... I am tired of speaking.

I would like to sit by the sea and be silentstill as the mists enclose me in their sleep.
I would like to fill my mouth with pebbles and swallow stones.
Listen for a few hours, as bunches of hair lift into the air and swirl about my face
Lean back on the palms of my hands and feel my upper body slowly sink
I want to hear the roar of tree tops swaying
and the distant song of seagull-shrieking

I want to watch someone walk along a log, and jump down to their hands and knees on a large flat stone where breakers crash with ocean spray and foam filled waters retreat into the endlessness that begot them.
I want to be silent, still.

To have no expectations for a time
to be free of judgement, regret, and pressing choices
I want a break - away from here in a cottage
I wish my family still kept our tiny little hide-away... now I have no where mine to which I can escape.

I miss silly warm things with no demand, no connections or need for followup.
Friendships without commands.
Lovers without politics and timers.

I want to swallow the aqua sky and let the sun seep through my eyelids warm and orange and strange, to have my back against a plank of wood, a flower near at hand and laughter dancing in circles.

Children bring that sort of freedom, their very presence brings release to my bound breaths.
I miss whispering songs of flower myths and giggling away warm breakfasts, hiking up long and rain spattered hills through playgrounds with yellow mud-speckled gum boots, and the tears from running to fast that end in a giant all caring embrace.

I want deeper things that sink down to the depths of the soul, and have few words to describe them.
For a moment to feel the world like a cherry blossom petal floating on the wind.